Have you ever felt like you have one foot and out foot out? so what happens when God kicks you and just says, "ok, enough".
I just got back from the DR two days ago. And everytime I go there, God rocks me. He changes my destiny. You would think I would start to expect it. It is incredible what He does there. Two years ago, the very first time I went. I don't even know how it came about that I was going with this youth group on their summer missions trip. I never wanted to go on a missions trip again, I never wanted to be a missionary, I didn't want to work with high school kids. I have always loved adventure and roughing it, but I was never a Jesus freak and didn't want to be. So the night before our flight is leaving, I break out in hives. I have this awful allergic reaction, and I think to myself, perfect. Now I have an excuse to get out of this. So as I'm sitting and thinking about how to properly word all of this to the pastor/trip leader...there is a quiet whisper...what if this is satan? what if he doesn't want you to go? what if he is afraid of what will happen there? I'm going, I decide, hives and all.
I just wanted to survive. The trip was 10 days long, I had decided to go for 5 days so I could get back to work. God killed me. He killed my idea of life. He kicked down that fence and hurled me towards Him. The day I was leaving was Sunday, it was the Sabbath, and we were in service. My bags were packed, sitting by the door. I sat and was listening to the word being preached, and it was about Peter. How Peter asked Jesus to call him out of the boat. , and how he walked on water. Then how the missionary we were working with, how he asked Jesus to call him out of the boat, and how thousands of people's lives came to know, love, and live in Jesus. How Jesus Himself stepped out of His boat, and how the world has never been the same. So I said, Jesus call me out of my boat to walk on water, and He did. Man, He did.
I got back to the states, applied to the race, went on the race, and am back. Full circle. So when I got back from the race, I met up with some of the youth group staff I had worked with, and the pastor said, "Hey why don't you come with us?" What the heck, why not I said. The door is open, I'm walking through. Before I got on my flight, I asked the Lord, why are you taking me there? what do you want to do? So with these things in my spirit, I took off. And found myself exactly where I was two years ago, with Iglesia de Canaan in Santo Domingo. During my time there, became friends with one of the pastors, Pedro, an awesome man of God. As we were riding back on the bus from a beach trip after a long, hard week. He said that the Lord was calling me to be a pastor and go to seminary. I freaked out to put it lightly. But was on the verge of tears that I was fighting back, because something in me lept up and knew it was true, but I was kicking and screaming NOOO! I seriously felt like Jonah, and just wanted to run. Then, he said, just pray about it, let me know what God says in two days.
The next morning I get up at 5:30am for morning prayer, the pastor is speaking on how one word can change your life, your destiny. With that ringing in my heart, I just want to run. Run away...the best I could do, was to find a quiet rooftop away from everyone. So I'm just freaking out to the Lord. and then worshipping and praying. And I said this to Him, "Lord if this is seriously your will for me then confirm it by anointing me with oil. " Those words had never come out of my mouth before, I had never asked that of Him like that. I was kind of shocked when they did and wondered where the heck that came from. So I sat, and was just still with the Lord. and He said, "Psalms 45 and 48" . Then I read this:
"You love justice and hate evil.
Therefore, God, your God, has anointed you,
pouring out the oil of joy on you
more than on anyone else."
What the heck?! So I read on, and it says, " Listen to me, O royal daughter, take to heart what I say. Forget your people and your family far away. For your royal Husband delights in your beauty; honor Him, for He is your Lord." I broke. I literally broke. Since that day, there have been daily confirmations. No exagerration. I can't even begin to tell you all of them, but I know this...God knows me. He knows that part of me that wants to run off of the altar. So He reminds me daily, Jane, this is from me, I chose you. I'm floored, humbled, silenced. So here I am, because God kicked me off of the fence.
So, here I am in the big bad state of CO. All I can say, is that there is nothing like the Rocky Mountains greeting you when you get here. I am awed seriously that I get to call this beautiful place home. Outside of the beauty of this place, this "space between" has been easier than I thought it would be in some ways...like its not as hard as I thought it would be getting used to air conditioning, driving, hot showers, bug free living conditions ;) in other ways, its been way harder than I thought. Not just re-entering, but transitioning to a new place, a new home, etc. And, suddenly being away from "family" in a sense. Building a new community out here has been challenging for me, but God is crazy good to me. He has brought people alongside me out here. At the same time, I had forgotten how much people are living life, working, paying bills, etc. Feels like the world is moving faster than
I am at times. But the Lord is ridiculously good...always, which makes no sense at times.
Moving out here in faith has been interesting. I have no income, yet the Lord has taken care of everything. Somehow there is money in my account, checks in the mail for me, food in my belly, and a comfy bed. I have been applying to jobs and not a single door has opened for me. EXCEPT...one random morning I got up and was thinking hey I've been talking about doing this silversmithing thing the whole race. To give you a little background, to raise some funds for the race, I started to make jewelry and raised a pretty good bit, which suprised me. I have always loved making stuff, but neglected it to go the conventional, traditional route of inner city tree planting. I kid. In seriousness though, I hadn't done anything remotely creative for any extended period of time since middle school...when I designed and painted a ceiling tile for Beck Middle School in Cherry Hill, NJ. So, some creativity was well overdue. I found a place in Denver, CO that silversmiths and I had this crazy feeling that this was a door for me to walk through. The silversmith there invited me over, so as I was driving out there I knew in my spirit that this was it. A door open, for me to walk through in faith. So got there, walked around, chatted with the silversmiths there, and tada! So, I am an apprentice at Gustermans in Denver, CO. In connection with that, I have partnered with Lynette Lee and Lauren Morris to launch Corridor of Hope. Its essentially an e-market selling products from organizations that we partnered with in the last year to empower the artisans with the hope and love of Jesus.
Its exciting times. SHOUTOUT to all my June 07 Racers...MISS YOU! LOVE YOU!
Lately, I have been thinking alot about the promised land. What is my promised land? What is our promised land? What has the Lord given us that we haven't taken a hold of yet? And what is keeping us from taking a hold of it?
For me, going to Colorado in faith is symbolic of that. People ask me, "What are you going to do there?!" I'm not sure. I don't know. But I know like I knew that I was supposed to go on the race, that I am supposed to go. All I know is that God dropped it in my lap when I was in Swaziland and that He has confirmed it repeatedly. So here I go. After a month at home, I pack up my stuff a-la-World-Race style, except maybe slightly more than a backpack full of stuff to head out west into the land that God promised me. :)
I've been reading in Joshua about how the Israelites got their promised land. They couldn't just sit on the other side of the Jordan and wait for God to give it to them. They had to cross over the Jordan and TAKE it. It says, "He has given you this land."It is already theirs, it was given to them, promised to them. But they had to take that wild step of faith and cross over with their own two feet. God stopped the Jordan river from flowing, but they had to walk across. So what the heck is the promised land? It is a future, a hope, its our inheritance, a physical and spiritual "land", a land flowing with milk and honey...look in the Word for yourself, find out what He says it is.
Even when they got there, there were people that they had to conquer, to route. It wasn't enough to just cross over and say "ok, we're here." No, it was this active process or truly making it theirs. There were actually people living there on their "promised land". And these people knew that the living God was with the Israelites, and they were scared out of their minds. In the same way there are things from the enemy that have set up camp in our inheritance that try to rob us of what is rightfully ours. We have to take it and make it ours by routing and casting out all of those things that try to rob us...fear, doubt, the past, worries, anxieties, spirits of depression of anger, people's expectations, generational curses, etc.
Here I go into the land that God has promised me...and oddly I feel like I am finally going home out to the big beautiful ROCKIES! Pray for safe travels, for my car and my bro's car to make it there.
Life moves really fast in the States, I forgot how fast. The day after I got back, I got in my car and was taken aback by how fast everyone drives everywhere. What's the big rush?! But then, here I am 4 weeks later, wondering what the hold up is when I'm stuck behind someone that's driving like they are out for an afternoon ride.
So, what is next for me?
The Lord has given me bits and pieces, which is all good. Because, I'm realizing that knowing the whole picture isn't as much fun. The bits and pieces are this: the Lord has lead me to move to Colorado, I will be working on an online business selling products from different ministries around the world, and I will be helping to lead a group of teens on a missions trip to the Dominican Republic in July. So basically now that I have unpacked my bags, done some laundry, had some welcome back festivities...its time again to repack and go.
The thing with Colorado is this: I've never been there. I can count the number of people I know out there on less than one hand. But there is something about the unknown with Jesus that is unlike anything else. I feel more alive than I have ever. And people ask, "aren't you scared?", and I'm not. For some odd and bizarre reason, there is such peace, joy, and love in this next step. The crazy part is that usually I am preparing for the worst, not trying to get my hopes up, so I won't get disappointed. That way if its really great, then its kind of a pleasant surprise, but if it sucks, then I'll be prepared. You know the whole self- defense mechanism game that people play. But for the first time in my life, its just pure, unabashed excitement. Let's go Jesus...TO THE ROCKIES!!!! Also, in the next month, I am going to be working with two former racers to get this crazy dream that God has given us for an online business off the ground. In our travels, we came across some phenomenal minstries that reach out to the poor, the prostitutes, the homeless, the imprisoned, the sick, the list goes on. These different ministries also have business to help support and provide the artists and artisans with an income. So the three of us were personally given this fire, this hunger, this desire from the Lord to be used by Him to bring the Kingdown to earth to His people in this way. If you are interested in finding out more and becoming involved with us please contact me.
And finally, in July, I have been given the awesome opportunity to serve in the Dominican Republic with a youth team that I'll help to lead. Which is particularly exciting, because it was there that I asked the Lord to call me out of a life of comfort, complacency, and faithlessness. I'm looking forward to our time there with the beautiful Domincans! If you want to partner with and support me, please contact me.
Its more than a month ago, that I was serving with the Cinco Che sisters in our music ministry. And there is one visit that has been chiseled into my memory that I want to share with you all about.
It was called Casa Esperanza, House of Hope. This ministry was run by a single woman, April Havlin, and her heart was for the women and children in prostitution in Managua. We had no idea what to expect, which means it was just another day on the World Race. But I woke up that morning with the Kingdom on my mind, and just prayed, "Jesus have us bring the Kingdom to earth today." We set out with our two guitars, took a bus, took a taxi, took another bus, and arrived at this beautiful plot of land. It stood on a hill, surrounded by trees. There was this incredible sense of peace and I could immediately sense the presence of the Holy Spirit. We tuned the guitars, introduced ourselves to the 80 or so women, and began worshipping.
Some women sat in their chairs, entertaining their babies, others sang along. The women ranged in age from their teens to their 40's. But, all of the women came with one thing in mind...cards. April's ministry is also a micro-enterprise. Women come once a week to make handmade cards and are able to make some income to support themselves and their families. The women came for cards, but God had something else in mind that day. As the time or worship came to a close, I asked the audience for volunteers. Earlier that week, the Lord put it on my heart to have them speak His promises to them over each other. The women were shy at first, few wanted to read in front of others. Slowly, but surely women came up and began to declare the truth, the Lord's very word to them that day to each other. It was beautiful. Then Brown (aka Jenny) shared a message, followed up by Gabe. Brady shared a song that the Lord had given her that she had written and composed earlier that week.
Women came up to recieve prayer, and several of the women were yelling and manifesting. Jumping, screaming, laughing. Their lives were radically being changed as they realize that they are daughters of the living God, the King. They were in such bondage and captivity, and have been brought out of the darkness into His marvelous light. So, it makes sense that it is being manifested in such intense ways.
Its just beauty for ashes. Ashes are worthless to anyone else, they are worthless, burned, charred, marred, sooty, and dirty. And God out of His radical love, gives us beauty.
"But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy." 1 Peter 2:9-10
I hate blogging. In case there was any confusion about that. Trying to capture things in words, gives me this feeling that I am committing an injustice to the people and places and situtations that have affected me. But I seriously feel that I owe the Lord and you all some stories and blogs that I never had the chance to sit down and put on paper or computer or whatever. So I'm going to do some retrospectives now that I have some time to sit and think and put my thoughts together. So get ready and hold me to it.
Being home for the past week and a half has made me feel like no time has passed in some ways. Like when I walked out of my front door for the airport in June, the trees and flowers were all in bloom and then I come back 11 months later and they are still all in bloom. In my room, there were clothes that I was too busy and rushed to wash before I left, and here they are 11 months later with the same food stains! My desk drawers are as cluttered as I remembered.
The thing that's funny is that I remember at several points during the race thinking, 'someday...when I'm home, I'm going to wake up in my bed and feel like it was all a dream.' The reality though is that I wake up and wonder, 'Am I home?' What is home anyways? In South Africa, my first week in, my pack lost in transit, living off of my squadmates with none of my "things from home" feeling discombobulated. And my Father in heaven tap tap tapping me on the shoulder saying, 'Jane, I am your home.' There are so few constants in life, if any. But, He remains always. Thank God, especially in this weird in-transit-state that I am in. Because I'm at home with Him.
So the countdown begins, or continues. It has been an interesting past few weeks. It has been different from what we expected and pictured. If you think about it though, its never really as we picture it, but this thing called life would be incredibly boring if we actually had all the control that we think that we want. We have a week left in our month doing this music ministry as Cinco Che with a few more organized ministry times. One thing that I have learned though, is that "ministry", whatever that is...means living in love, walking in love, talking in love, laughing in love, because He is love. So, ministry happens when you are sitting at a bus stop in Costa Rica wondering which bus you are supposed to get on to go to the beach as a kind stranger strikes up conversation with you or when you sitting in a cab chatting with the taxi driver or sitting and chatting on a farm in the middle of Costa Rica surrounded by sheep and horses and cows eating mangos that the farmers picked.
And something I was reminded of yesterday as I was sitting and watching the Costa Rican scenery turn into Nicaraguan scenery is that we have moments. What I mean is that, God in all of His knowledge and wisdom and goodness, gives us moments, moments with people, moments in places, etc. It never lasts and its not supposed to last. And in my mind, I was suddenly whisked away to our time in Swaziland/South Africa, to a car ride that we were taking from Manzini, Swaziland to Pretoria, South Africa. We got in the van, and one of brothers from the Jan 07 Race got in and without skipping a beat, his first words to the driver were: hey man, do you know Jesus? Where do people get that kind of urgency, where they cut through all of the small talk? So, I am sitting on the bus thinking about this and then praying, ok Lord give me that kind of urgency. But then it hits me, this is a dangerous prayer. Cuz usually the way that this works is that when someone passes away you get hit with the truth of all of this. So, it didnīt surprise me when I sat down to check my email, to read in an email that someone in my life passed away. We have moments with people, friends, strangers, loved ones, a random old man sitting next to you on the train, a little kid selling chicle, how are you going to live, move, talk, walk in love?
God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them 1John 4:16b
With 26 hours under our belts, Cinco Che, is in full gear and fully under the hand of our living, awesome, loving, crazy about us God. I don't know if I can capture into words how God ordained the past 26 hours have been, but it has been the most fun, the most worry-free, the most God is in control 26 hours. I want to share about how we ended up living with a Nicaraguan Family, btw I don't even know their last names!
So about 24 hours ago, we sat in this very internet cafe praying for the Lord to provide for us a place to stay where we could stay for the month, come and go throughout the month, and a place where we could cook to save $$$!!! The Lord gave Brady a picture of a sunflower and told her to follow th star. After we prayed, we set out to meet with our AIM contact, Carlitos and also one of our guitarists-Erick. So as we are making our way out towards the barrios, someone across the street is yelling my name, "JAAAAAAANE!" and walking towards us. Then we see Ezekiel, a 17 year old brother from the local church that went to minister with us during February in Puerto Cabezas. We exchange greetings and he immediately asks us to stay with him. We'll think about it we say and quickly are on our way to our meeting. After 5 hours, we are exhausted and just wanting to go and eat, still haven't found a place to stay. All of us felt strongly that the Lord was going to provide somewhere for us to stay, that we didn't need to book a hostel or stay in the barn that some of our squad mates had spent the past month in Granada. So, we set out, no clue where we are going to lay our heads that night. And then I hear, "JAAAAAAAAAAAANE!!!" being screamed from one of the houses and out pops Ezekiel. He had already asked permission from his family for us to stay, they have two rooms for us to stay in for the month, a kitchen, a microwave, a whirlpool washing machine, satellite tv, a fridge. "Do you have a star?", I ask. Without skipping a beat, he says yes! Inside and outside their house there are sunflowers and stars basically strewn everywhere. His mom loves sunflowers and apparently stars, suns, and moons. Afterwards, at dinner we find out from this 17 year old man of God that the Lord had woken him up at midnight and put it in his heart to pray about being able to host missionaries, that his parents had built two extra rooms onto their house to provide housing for missionaries, that he had left school early to sit at his house to wait to see if any of us would walk by his house, and that we had JUST happened to walk by when he gave up and was going into town. So at the end of our long day, I found myself sitting on an air mattress that they had blown up for us, sitting at "home" with our amazing Nicaraguan family (whose last name i don't even know!!) that loves the Lord. When we met them, we explained that they were an answer to our prayers, and they responded that we were an answer to their prayers, that they have been praying and wanting to host missionaries since they built those rooms!!!
Luke 10:5-7 "Whenever you enter someone's home, first say, 'May God's peace be on this house.' If those who live there are peaceful, the blessing will stand; if they are not the blessing will return to you. Don't move around from home to home. Stay in one place, eating and drinking what they provide. Don't hesitate to accept hospitality, because thos who work deserve their pay."
killed my idea of life. He kicked down that fence and hurled me towards Him. The day I was leaving was Sunday, it was the Sabbath, and we were in service. My bags were packed, sitting by the door. I sat and was listening to the word being preached, and it was about Peter. How Peter asked Jesus to call him out of the boat. , and how he walked on water. Then how the missionary we were working with, how he asked Jesus to call him out of the boat, and how thousands of people's lives came to know, love, and live in Jesus. How Jesus Himself stepped out of His boat, and how the world has never been the same. So I said, Jesus call me out of my boat to walk on water, and He did. Man, He did. 
